First Trimester Survival Tips: How to Eat Without Gagging Except Guess What You’ll Gag Anyway

19 Sep

Some other thoughts I drafted a bit ago.

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Umm, one of the things they aren’t kidding about: Food.  Freaking.  Aversions.  Except I feel like I was always heard things like “Oh, I couldn’t stand…. celery” and “You know, I always liked pork rinds, but somewhat less so since I was pregnant.”  NO.  If it was edible, I was nauseous thinking about it.  Every single gram of food was repulsive and disgusting.

I joke but it’s been truly awful.  Note to Future Sarah: This is the part where you come in and make an editor’s note about how miraculous it is that you feel 100 million times better now, right? RIGHT? Note to past Sarah: YES! Bless your little persevering heart.  I think we need to start an “It Gets Better” campaign for first trimester sufferers.

1.  Guilt Yourself Into Eating.  Umm, OK.  My child is currently trying to do things like build brain stems and collarbones and aortas.  I’m passed out on the couch like an overweight panda on a barbiturate bender.  The least I can do is try to offer up a few, like, calories for this effort.  Ok.  These stupid blueberries look harmless.  Let’s do this.

2.  Selection.  Eww, that one has a smooshed flat side.  Eww, that one looks a little dry.  EWW EWW this whole bottom row was probably touching some gross surface at the grocery store through the vents on the container.  (Suppress wave of nausea).  OK that one looks kind of harmless.  Good, round shape.  Solid color.  Target: acquired.

3.  Dread.  Balking.  Bargain with God.  Motivational pep talks.  Trust the blueberry. 

4.  Go Time.  Pick up blueberry.  Direct it to mouth.  Believe.

5.  OH GOD.

6.  GAG. 

7. GAG MORE. Cup hand over mouth.  Cough.  Sputter.

8.  Repeat.  Fight back tears when you realize you got three-eighths of a calorie for all that effort.

2 Responses to “First Trimester Survival Tips: How to Eat Without Gagging Except Guess What You’ll Gag Anyway”

  1. birminghambell September 19, 2012 at 10:21 am #

    UGH! I would throw up my very favorite foods!!!! “I love you but you’re going to be vomit soon!!!” Everyone says “oh that’ll be gone soon”….well screw all those people because it didn’t go away for me until 18 weeks! I hope you feel better sooner rather than later! Once you realize you aren’t sick anymore,and overcome your fear of food, you’ll be asking to go to all you can eat buffet benders every weekend! It’s just so…..EXCITING!!

  2. Brett September 20, 2012 at 8:42 am #

    This was brilliant

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