Yes, I know, I liked Buzzfeed’s 28 Signs You Went to GW too, but this rebuttal had to happen.
1. You drive by the community college and wonder what you found so unappealing about it. It’s so quaint and welcoming!
2. The interest accumulating on your loans seems to be outpacing your payments on them, but you’re too terrified to actually investigate further.
3. You realize Old Man Schenley probably retired with more money than you will.
4. The best part of your month is the few hours between getting paid and paying Sallie Mae.
5. And the worst part of your month is the 30 days and 12 hours after.
6. You wish you would have pocketed the $1,500 in semesterly Colonial Cash instead of squandering it on Thai Place delivery every night.
7. And getting $180 haircuts at Pro Euro.
8. And buying a first generation iPod from the bookstore.
9. But at least you got a taste of the good life.
10. Harassing the Sallie Mae Twitter account is the only thing that brings you a little satisfaction.
11. You realized three months after graduating that you despise working in the political industry.
12. And that your illustrious internships stopped being relevant when you turned 22.
13. And that nobody cares that you lived in the building used as a lookout for the Watergate burglary.
14. But you’ll always know that you were on Facebook back when nobody knew about it and you had to go to a big university to get an account. And that? That, my friends, they can never take away from you.
15. You’ve seen a “Help wanted- night shift” sign at the gas station and thought maybe a second job couldn’t hurt.
16. You’ve considered egg donation or surrogate motherhood. (Seriously considered.)
17. You have yet to find a plan to save for retirement that doesn’t involve winning a Merv Griffin game show.
18. But one of these days you’ll win the $1,500 Target gift card giveaway for taking the customer satisfaction survey and that will be a big help.
19. You thought that at least by now you’d be able to brag you went to a top 50 school. Maybe next year.
20. You try to reassure yourself with ridiculous statements like, “I could have gone to a state school, but would I have gotten to see a free Howie Day concert on The Vern?”
21. Or a sweet laser light show at CI?
22. Or a free coffee tumbler from Gelman Late Night?
23. OR A COMPLIMENTARY GW BEACH TOWEL?
24. You sent so many obnoxious replies to GW solicitations for donations that they took you off the mailing lists.
25. You considered going to graduate school. Wait a minute, does that cost money too? Oh… Maybe in 2027.
26. You’ve ever shaken your fists and lamented AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE LET ME KEEP MY COLONIAL MAIL EMAIL ADDRESS.
27. You talk a big game but you kind of want to go to the Cyndi Lauper concert at alumni weekend next year.
28. I guess I should start saving for my children’s educa LOLOLOLOLOOLOOLLLLLLLOLOLOOLL