More Stuff About Facebook. Good grief. I think you people who just quit stupid Facebook altogether might be on to something. I may consider that for the new year. Most of all I just wish there was some way to block all things deranged, sick, and disturbing that people for whatever reason desire to share. Like, yesterday this showed up on my feed: “Baby Nearly Starved to Death; Lazy Parents Sentenced“. WAIT. Stop. Before you click, know that there is an extremely heartbreaking image of this baby. But, if you watch the included video of the local news broadcast, you will see some very happy and joyful “after” pictures. The story does have a good ending and the baby is fine.
But I got no such disclaimer or warning. I just got that picture all up on my monitor through no choice of my own. Well, obviously, I chose to assume the risk of using Facebook, hence my desire to un-choose that. I feel guilty even sharing the headline! I just don’t get what motivates people to read something like that and say, “Now THAT is something ALL Y’ALL need to know about!” Why? WHY? To raise awareness about the importance of feeding your infants? MOST OF US ARE GOOD TO GO ON THAT. Of course something coming from “freepatriot.org” I should have known to suspect.
Here’s a guide I developed to help people with these kind of decisions.
Who drank this stuff as a kid? I did. It was a blast from the past but I bought some yesterday. I have been spiking Frogson’s sippy cup with a splash of juice to entice him into learning to use it. And also experimenting with different juices in the continued quest for my own perfect smoothie. And one day– one day, gentle readers– the perfect formula will come to me. AND WHAT A DAY IT WILL BE.
Anyway, the juicy juice label had some kind of instant win sweepstakes advertised on the front, and I’m now realizing that it’s probably only children who will actually peel off labels to check for an instant win. Marketers must know this. It got me recalling a gullible moment in my own childhood, where we had gotten a Publisher’s Clearing House piece of junk mail, and what it was was, like, a fake newspaper article (Local Family Now Zillionaires!) with my family’s name mail merged into the fake article. But guys, here was third grade me:
Gently place paper down.
Back to present day. So, armed with whatever small remnants of youthful curiosity remain after too many years of adulthood gruel, I peeled back the Juicy Juice label to assess my fate in this important contest. Here’s another thing that’s changed. It of course told me I was a instant winner, and I could take my code to juicyjuice.com and claim my bounty. COME ON. But again, youthful curiosity at work, off I went. I whored out my contact information to Nestle and do you know what my prize was?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY PRIZE WAS?
LAMEVILLE: POPULATION ONE JUICY JUICE JUG.