Twitter. I am about infinity years behind the boat on this, but I finally am warming up to stupid Twitter. Are you my friend? Go be my friend. I have not a lot of Twitter friends. It’s not really helping me in my continued efforts to heal from my middle school years. I cover a lot of FASCINATING material like calling my husband out for going to Hooters four times in the same week but then finding out I had actually accosted a stranger who has a very similar handle, publically shaming a Facebook friend for quoting God awful Usher lyrics, finding self worth in pathetic ways like bragging about my Word Mole prowess, dropping random movie quotes and sometimes just making vacuum noises.
Here’s the thing about Twitter. As I was just explaining to a blog buddy, I do not appreciate being bossed around by their BS character limit. You are typing your little message, and it starts counting down into the negative, and I’m like WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I’LL DO WHAT I WANT. It will just never sit comfortably with me that I can’t take one hundred forty five characters if that’s what I need to convey a message. And if anyone ever catches me writing “u” instead of “you” then please walk up behind me and hit me with a snow shovel a la Old Man Marley. Sometimes I will be desperate to conserve characters so I’ll use one space after a period instead of two, and that makes me cringe. You’d be surprised how many Tweets I write that are exactly 140 characters. I spend about 80% of my Twitter energy just editing stuff down to fit the limit. It’s really annoying. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thrown my hands up and said NEVERMIND it’s not worth this much freaking effort to say something stupid about oatmeal or Justin Bieber or a Toyota commercial.
No, seriously, Brown Rice Triscuits. Everyone stop what you are doing and go buy 4 boxes NOW.
In searching my mind for more crap to blab about, because I had about a hundred things in my head and remembered about three when I sat down to write, I opened my drafts folder in my Gmail, where I sometimes will save random ideas that I want to quickly get down and flesh out later. I found this:
things ive googled: talk me out of eating a little debbie, can you die from eating a whole box of tagalongs, can you get in legal trouble for wikipedia pranks, can you use windex on a blender.
Although the note was over a year old and I can’t remember the exact conditions precipitating each of these, I know that all of those happened. Not a joke.
Baby Blurb. One year ago tomorrow I found out we were expecting. Baby was the size of a poppy seed. Today, he is 14 pounds and tore a page out of my library book. Life– even the most basic, primitive process of a child growing– is unbelievable, isn’t it?
Starving Blogger Shout Outs. So, exciting news, I have been bestowed two “Liebster Awards”– which apparently are honorary titles (“internet high fives” as they’ve been described) that fledgling bloggers give to other fledgling bloggers. There is a pay it forward component, so a few notes on this. First off, THANK YOU to Surprise Mama and 80/20 Mom, I am flattered and high fiving you right back!
Secondly I want to give a shout out to a few real life friends of mine. I used to work with Anne at Mrs. B Takes On who is just getting her domesticity blog off the ground. You know how there are bloggers out there purporting to be domestic goddesses but you find yourself thinking that their meals look like something hauled out of the ape house in a wheelbarrow? Anne is the opposite of that. She is the real deal. I read her blog and my eyes get big and I want to lick my monitor. And she can do stuff like stencil a wall, which just the thought of attempting makes me want to cry and drive to Dairy Queen.
This is Rhian at For Always who I technically don’t know, but she went to high school with Jeff so that’s close enough to real life for me. Jeff finally just put us in touch with one another because we were using him as a middleman to discuss cloth diapers. She is awesome and if you are a sucker for a good birth story like me, go refill your coffee and hit her up because like I said, awesome.
This is my former gymnastics teammate Megan at Positively (Im)perfect. She too is 900 kinds of cool. She is a SAGE of a mother (to human and canine alike), West Point alum, and birth and Hypnobabies aficionado (ditto on her birth stories although I think you have to click the link to go to her personal blog). Like I said, lots of cool.