Hooters. Ok, you guys know I don’t talk politics here, except in jest. Which I need to do more of, because the government does HILARIOUS stuff on a regular basis and nobody ever finds out about it. Which is both a shame and a blessing, I guess. Occasionally, though, I have to give credit where it’s due and acknowledge something cool that tax dollars paid for. Usually all I can come up with is the library. But yesterday– oh, sweet yesterday– the Pennsylvania legislators won my heart by declaring April 30 Hooters Appreciation Day.
No, not that Hooters or those Hooters, although appreciation days for both would be awesome as well, but rather The Hooters, an immensely talented group of rockers from Philadelphia, who you probably know for All You Zombies and And We Danced. Pennsylvania does a lot of things well, but producing quality musicians is not one of them. Behind the Hooters our next claims to fame I guess would be Fuel, Train, and Taylor Swift. BLECH.
Now the exciting thing was that the Hooters themselves played a FREE CONCERT in honor of this. Did I take my 3.5 month old infant to this?
(I was very disappointed to find this image had not yet been created, so I would like the record to state that I created this myself for the good of the internet, and it’s scary how much pride I have in this fact.)
Guys, it was so awesome. Frogson rode along in his little wrap (I needed my hands to make rock fingers, duh) and he loved it. We sang and bounced to the beat and I wasn’t kidding, rock fingers were involved. I loved it. I love live music so so much. I mean I know that’s a dumb remark, because duh, we all do, but yea. I’m afraid to say I am in fact That Girl from your section who is dancing and high pitch wooing and screaming lyrics and generally UNABLE to contain herself. I cannot help it, I get so freaking excited. So that was that.
Speaking of Pennsylvania. I cannot believe we are almost a year into our move up here! Things move a little slower up here, and it’s kind of refreshing. Today I’d like to tell you about the Dunkin Donuts drive thru. God, I’m sorry, this is absolutely the crappiest boringest most rambling post ever, I’m sorry. Just save yourself and go do something else and let me just sit here and work through this.
I’ve never really been conditioned to utilize drive thrus. In DC, they just didn’t really exist. In DC you get really, really excited if a place just has parking spots. Then you get REALLY excited if there’s actually enough spots that you can find one without getting into a freaking MMA throw down with another motorist. Here in PA, you can get what you want and you don’t even have to get out of your car. SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT!
I now go to the Dunkin drive thru for most of my mocha needs. Sorry Starbucks, you require walking (THE HORROR) and a whole extra dollar for the same product. The one thing I hate about Dunkin is they ask you “Will that be all?” after you order. I guess this is exactly why business experts require customers to be asked this, because the question DOES leave this big open door for you to ask for what you really want. Because they did ask.
Yes three dozen munchkins you can meet me at the second window and shove them straight down my gullet yes that will be all.
Not Speaking of Acronyms But Let’s Go Ahead and Do That. I’ve had acronyms on the brain lately. Actually I’ve been investing a lot of mental anguish over acronyms. Why, as a human species, can we not GET THE HANG OF acronyms already?! I get that you want to come up with a cool acronym for your business or organization or whatever, but sometimes you just have to admit a difficult truth to yourself. I can’t make this acronym work. I need to walk away. WALK AWAY, PEOPLE.
If you’re just mashing nouns and adjectives together in a grammatical hot mess that actually makes no sense at all, YOU NEED TO STOP RIGHT NOW. Do you know how many DUMB acronyms were shoved down my throat in middle school because some idiot PhD somewhere said they were a helpful tool to help middle schoolers think critically? They aren’t. There is nothing easy or helpful about all the times I was told to “Kids, it’s easy, just think SOLVE! Strategize Organize Leverage Venn diagram Estimate!” Here, I am going to make my own acronym for this phenomenon. It’s called your acronym is a STRETCH. Stop Tacking Random Expressions Together Cause it’s Heinous.
Related: I drove by a place called Inspire Female Athletic Training. Do the acronym math on that one.
Please Hug Your Pets in Honor of my Stray Cat Friend. OK, I am like 400 kinds of worked up over this. Guys, my stray cat got hit by a car. In our neighborhood, which is ridiculous because there’s no reason to go over 20 in our neighborhood, and in 9 out of 10 cases that is plenty slow enough to hit the brakes for a cat. I don’t know why I am depressing all of you with this, I think I just need to type through it or whatever. I was oddly attached to this cat, and Jeff is lucky it didn’t love me back because that thing would have been in our house right now.
And when his little pile of food remained uneaten on our stoop (shattering my heart every time I saw it), I realized that the second stray cat must be gone too. My heart breaks thinking that these cats lived their lives without ever snuggling on a warm bed or receiving a purr-worthy throat scratch. I can only hope they have gone to somewhere happy, to the Great Cardboard Box in the Sky, where they will know warmth and love and endless supplies of tuna. Please give your pets a snuggle in their honor, and forgive me one holier than thou PSA as I encourage everyone to please rescue your next furry friend.
I hate to end on a sad note so here is our own resident rescue beagle, surveying Turnpike vistas like the stately little fur-gentleman he is…