2 Years Yo

6/5/2010:

I was but a wee sprout of 23 back when I agreed to marry this yokel in 2008.  So young.  So young! I laugh now at that old version of myself… shouldn’t I have been worried? Wanted to date longer? Listened to the 1,502,902 cautionary tales of women that got married on the early side of their twenties? Never.  I literally didn’t give it a second thought.

Being married is “work”– like they say– but in a lot of ways it’s effortless and a total no brainer.

Some days we disagree, some days we roll our eyes at each other, some days we face palm in frustration at how different we are.  But we are BFF.  We’d swim through a pack of sharks for one another.  We have each other’s back.  We laugh together.  Every day.  All there is to it.

Oh and we like the same ridiculous television.

Happy anniversary POOKIEWOOKIESCHMOOKIEBEAR.

 

Must Read

I stumbled on this linked somewhere and it was such a good read: Are You With the Right Mate? via Psychology Today.  (Or alternately if you’re in a time crunch, read on for highlights enhanced by my amateur yammerings.)      

What day is more perfect than Valentine’s to talk about the science of relationships!? I love this crap.  I can’t get enough of it.  Self help books are my crack.  I’ve read them all.  All in a valiant effort to make our marriage one billion zillion percent divorce-proof.  Even typing that word was traumatic.  NOT HAPPENING.  Those that know me know this stems from my father having left my mother; those that don’t know me, sorry but that’s the extent of that biographical nugget- twenty years later I’m still a great deal of therapy away from being ready to talk about it in greater detail than that.  #TEAM CRAY CRAY!

Ironically, the pastor who married us told me that my OCD-ness here was actually a bad thing.  A memorable moment from our pre-marital sessions was her looking at me and basically saying “Woman you better chill the eff out and release the death grip on your relationship.”  She reminded me our relationship was already healthy and I needed to trust it and let it have its own natural ebbs and flows and quit being an overbearing psycho.  It’s a work in progress, and I am working hard on not having a five alarm meltdown every time we have a conflict and barking at Jeff to NO, NO SIR, we are not going to sleep before resolving this.  TELL ME YOUR FEELINGS.  All of them.  NOW!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM NOT CREATING A WELCOMING ENVIRONMENT!??!!?!  

Anyway.  Backing away from this slight exaggeration…

The gist I took away from the article was that relationships require care and attention and maintenance.  Romance and the idea of the “perfect mate” are crap.  Be mature and put your partner first.  Look at your own behavior before you assume your partner needs to change.  Be humble.  QUALITY crap, you guys.  I’m curious to hear others’ analysis too. 

 After a few post divorce years in the mating wilderness, Katz came to realize that framing a relationship in terms of the right or wrong mate is by itself a blind alley…. “We’re given a binary model,” says New York psychotherapist Ken Page.  “Right or wrong.  Settle or leave.  We are not given the tools to think about relationships.” 

Tools! Tools are good! Tell me more, wise ones…..

Along with many other researchers and clinicians, Meinecke espouses a new marital paradigm- what she calls the “self responsive spouse.”  When you start focusing on what isn’t so great, it’s time to shift focus.  “Rather than look at the other person, you need to look at yourself and ask “Why am I suddenly so unhappy and what do I need to do?” It’s not likely a defect in your partner.  In mature love, says Meinecke, “we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don’t blame them for our unhappiness.  We take responsibility for the expectations we carry, for our own negative reactions, for our insecurities, and for our own dark moods.”

Love it…

…In a long term relationship, Toronto’s Katz has come to believe that “Marriage is not about finding the right person.  It’s about becoming the right person.”

I love that so much.

In an ongoing marriage, he adds, “incompatibility is never the real reason for a divorce.”  It’s a reason for breakup of a dating relationship.  But when people say “she’s a nice person but we’re just not compatible,” Doherty finds, something happened in which both participants allowed the relationship to deteriorate…. “It’s like your car stopping on the side of the road and you say ‘It just isn’t working anymore’– but you haven’t changed the oil in 10 years.”

Preach it…

Another crucial element of growth in relationships, says Givertz, is a transformation of motivation– away from self-centered preferences toward what is best for the relationship and its future.  There is an intrapsychic change that sustains long term relationships.  Underlying it is a broadening process in which response patterns subtly shift.  Accommodation (as opposed to retaliation) plays a role.  So does sacrifice.  So do willingness and ability to suppress an impulse to respond negatively to a negative provocation, no matter how personally satisfying it might feel in the moment.

So, no cheap shots?  Sound advice!

In the end, says Minnesota’s Doherty, “We’re all difficult.  Everyone who is married is a difficult spouse.  We emphasize that our spouse is difficult and forget how we’re difficult for them.”

YEP…

Boston’s Real reports that he attended an anniversary party for friends who had been together 25 years.  When someone commented on the longevity of the relationship, the husband replied: “Every morning I wake up, splash cold water on my face, and say out loud ‘Well, you’re no prize either.’”  While you’re busy being disillusioned by your partner, Real suggests, you’ll do better with a dose of humility.

 ”There is no such thing as two people meant for each other,” says Givertz.  “It’s a matter of adjusting and adapting.” …Even then, successful couples redefine themselves many times, says Meinecke… “If both parties are willing to tackle the hard and vulnerable work of building love and healing conflict, they have a good chance to survive,” says Page.

 Awesome.  Srsly, good read.  Hit that shiste if you have a chance.  Hopefully this wasn’t too much harsh reality for Valentine’s Day?! Ha! Hope everyone had a lovely day filled with lots of chocolatey nommings.  Hugs and kisses to all!

Conversations

Jeff: Did I ever tell you about the one time I was a ball boy for the 76ers when I was a kid?
Me: No, you never have, I can’t believe I don’t know that! That’s really cool.
Jeff: Yea, then I saw Charles Barkley naked.
Me: WHAT!? Like, in the locker room?
Jeff: Yea, we got to go in the locker room.
Me: How have we been together for 6 years and I do not know that?! That you are A PERSON WHO HAS SEEN CHARLES BARKLEY NAKED?!  I mean that is, like, a MAJOR biographical fact! I don’t even know you. 

Engageiversary/Flood

Three years ago, Jeff hooked me up with a sweet rock and done proposed to me…

It’s silly that I still celebrate this right? Yea it’s silly I know.  Whatever.  Hallmark says life is a special occasion and I am generally in the business of doing what Hallmark tells me.

Fast forward to today, Jeff came home to find our friggin’ house flooded.  Urgh.  A pain, but when both of our immediate reaction was incredulous laughter, I was once again reminded of what a good team we have going on.  And when my giggles quickly deteriorated into an overwhelmed meltdown, his turned into problem solving and talking me down off the ledge.  Thanks hubster.  Happily the situation is under control and mostly resolved in time for us to make the journey to Pennsylvania tomorrow. 

I’ll be offline of course for the holiday, so let me take this time to offer everyone out there the happiest, merriest of Thanksgivings! As always, I am thankful this weekend and every day for my wonderful family (nutty as they may be), my friends and the many special people in my life, and all the provisions I don’t deserve but that God hooks me up with anyway.  And yes, I’m even thankful for floods that remind me of all the fresh, clean, temperature controlled water flowing into our kitchen and bathroom every day.  Perspective yo.

Happy travels! xoxo

Gchat Conversations with a Rule Lover

My chick friend Jordana (you may remember her from such Halloween costumes as the Kia hamster) was telling me the other day how her boyfriend is a total lover of rules.  I was like girlfriend, I feel your pain.  Jeff too is rule-obsessed.  Like, if the guy could legally marry Robert’s Rules of Order, home girl would be out this door so fast…

And I like rules plenty as long as they’ve convinced me of their purposefulness.  But stupid rules? Stupid laws even? Don’t care.  And by stupid laws I mean stupid laws, before you think I’m some sort of criminal.  Things like jay-walking and “you must report a changed address within 30 days,” and, well, any sort of parking restriction whatsoever.  Blah blah blah.  Life’s too short.  And Jeff and I had only known each other like 3 weeks the first time we had to track down my towed car, and he’s still here.  OH and downloading music… I pay for it now since everything’s been pretty much shut down, but I pirated the crap out of it circa 2002-2010.  I knew I should have felt bad but never did, and you know why? Because I was in college for a couple of those years, and ELTON JOHN wasn’t down to 53 GW dining dollars with 2 months left in the semester.  Sorry.

So Jeff and I are always having hilarious encounters over the “rules.”  Like the parking! Jeff will park in a metered area in front of, like, a Rite Aid where we need to run in and get ziplocks for 30 seconds, and he wants to PUT MONEY IN IT.  And even when he is 100% legally parked and paid for, he’s still convinced he’s done something wrong.  Once during such an episode I snuck back out and tucked an ATM receipt under the windshield wiper, at the end of the night when we went back out he was all “OMG WTF is that?!?!?!” and had a category 5 meltdown for a minute there, and I patted myself on the back quite vigorously. 

OH and once at a movie theater (I think it was Wall Street 2), I was like “hold up, I want to go to this Starbucks next door first!” and he was like “What? Why? You can’t take that into the theater.”  Now, the no-outside-food-in-the-theater-so-you-can-buy-$7-sour-patch-kids is the GRANDDADDY of stupid rules.  What.  EVER.  Anyone that wants to punish me for breaking that one was going to have to pry a steamy mocha from my cold dead hands.  So I got my beverage, draped my coat over it, and I was like “Alright let’s do this big fella” and Jeff is all “Sarah……… SARAH? You……… You can’t do that Sarah!!!”

OK OK one more story to introduce the Gchat moment.  Which I meant to just cut and paste and be done with tonight but here I am with my tangential issues again.  I forgot how hilarious this subject is.  So, I don’t know, a couple years ago we were flying and Jeff was having a nervous breakdown because I was ticketed as “Sarah Middle Initial Becker” instead of ”Sarah Full Middle Name Becker” which appears on my drivers’ license.  And Mr. Hobby TSA Agent is like “No…. NO…. there is a brand new law and it has to be exact or you will NOT BE ALLOWED”.  Which I know they are attempting to force people to do lately, but I was pretty sure plenty of people were still flying with middle initial abbreviations.  (Guess what, they were, who was right? This guy!)

So we were talking about a future trip today and I couldn’t help but take a swipe…

me:  hey remember that time you tried to tell me they wouldnt let me onto the plane unless it was ticketed EXACTLY as it appears on my DL
 Jeff:  i hope im allowed on the plane
and youre denied
and ill be sitting on the beach
while youre stuck at home in the middle of a blizzard and no power
all because of your snark

 

Bitterpants much, Hubbycakes?! Just kidding.  Forgive me.  Looove youuu!  Anyone out there that thinks I am a huge jerk for poking so much fun at my darling spouse should know that the first thing he does every morning is make fun of me about something.  I struggled with the “Five Love Languages” book because I was like disparagement is not in here?! That is what we speak!!!!

Generally You Don’t See That Kind of Behavior in a Major Appliance

Date night! Did you know Ghostbusters was re-released into the theatres? That movie is a freaking riot.  Jeff knows every line.  And I cracked up every time Rick Moranis appeared on the screen, including when I was uncontrollably cackling to the point of tears during the scene with him outside Tavern on the Green.  They don’t make them like that anymore.

And Jeff just worships the film.  If you would have asked me when I was 20 what my ideal “type” was, I could have seen myself saying: the sort of guy whose favorite movie is Ghostbusters.  And here we are! Thanks for hanging out with me tonight, hubbycakes.

All this to say, I’ll get back to blogging this weekend maybe.

Also, check out this commercial-type-video thing that was played at the theatre.  This nearly made me cry! The peegies! (At the very least, worth it for the Willie Nelson cover of The Scientist).

You Might Be (Married to) a Redneck If…

You come home to this gem of a periodical which your SO thought it would be funny to sign you up for a subscription to…

Oh.  Dear.  God.  Garden.  And.  Gun.  W.  T.  F.  Seriously.

That said… I paged through and decided I had to try this seemingly random yet enticing recipe…

It’s just crazy enough to be awesome, right?!

Yea, it was also right alongside Sliced Dove Breasts (!) on Cornbread Crostini with Green Tomato Marmalade.  Meep!

+1 Makes 26

Happy last day of summer! And you know what that means… this little Virgo-Libra cusp is celebrating the anniversary of my expulsion from my mother’s birth canal! WOO HOO!

So, a couple times a year we’ll have a really busy few weeks at work (coinciding with certain events), so for the second year in a row my poor birthday took a backseat to work crazitude.  The good news- it’s winding down now! The downer news- I am beat and useless and didn’t feel like doing anything tonight.  Jeff forced me to choose an activity so I was like “OK fine, I want to go to Rita’s.”  Not sure where that came from, if there is a Rita’s in this area, I haven’t been there since arriving in 2003.  It just spoke to me tonight.  So we got in the car, drove all the way up and down this street that Jeff alleged it was on, only to have him find out he was following google directions to the St. Rita School.  Whoopsie daisy! A water-ice-specific search indicated the closest one was like 20 minutes away.  Ehh.  We had fun driving around and making a plan B. 

Now we’re chilling at home alternating between the Republican debate, Scarface, Frasier, Phillies Vs. Nationals, and the sexiest Rihanna videos countdown.  True story: my hubbycakes, who is not the girl-crazy type, is freaking in love with Rihanna.  It’s hilarious and adorable.  I have to laugh because Rihanna is a pretty safe celebrity crush choice if you’re a wife.  I mean, if he picked Reese Witherspoon or some other cutesy girl-next-door type, I might be alarmed.  But my madras-and-brown-sandals-clad spouse is not getting anywhere with the Rihannas of the world.  (Sorry dude). 

Anyhoo, thanks to everyone who popped in to say hi with texts, calls, cards, hilarious e-cards of accordion-playing cupcakes, etc.  Nothing makes a gal feel loved (and better about being on the north side of my 20s!) like a buncha facebook wall posts.  Hee.  I love you all- it’s true!

The weekend yoga agenda: tomorrow we have guest instructors and special Kirtan and Jivamukti practices! The former being quite chanting-heavy which has me a little intimidated. Yea, I know, if you know me you’re now saying “Uhhh… Buddy? Since when are you the chanting type?” Uhh, no, no I am not, as it stands.  I have a lot to learn.  And I’m trying to GROW here, people?! OK!?

 

And in zoo news… RED PANDAS OMG.  We had 2 babies born that are just starting to come out in public! And, uhh, I, uhh, WANT TO ABDUCT THEM.  Look at these cuddly little furballs!  

Aaaand speaking of birthdays, I also share mine with 3 of the lion cubs born last year! Here they are enjoying their birthday bloodsicle…

Tee hee! Sorry, hope that’s not too graphic. 

OK, that’s enough fun for this week.  Thanks everyone again for the love- smoochies!

A Really Long Post About How I Made Jumbo Scrabble Tiles. Yep.

DUDES.  The most X-TREME project yet.  Brace yourselves for some… JUMBO SCRABBLE TILES! (I know! Extreme! Just stop now if you can’t handle the intensity!)

I undertook this as part of another Pinterest challenge, this time sponsored by the very talented chicks at Better Life Bags.  Seriously I’m loving these challenges! introducing an element of competition makes me so much more productive! Why aren’t there challenges for cleaning the house or scheduling dental appointments or getting my lazy patooty out of bed in the morning and jogging?! I would suck at life a lot less!

So, this Scrabble stuff seems to be all over the place lately, so I am not sure if it’s en vogue or if it’s already passed its peak.  Since I’m just now noticing I’m guessing it’s the latter.  Whatevs.  Here were the original jumbo tiles that piqued my interest…

Adorable! I had been looking around for something to put over the doorway in the kitchen and thus this idea was born.  Instead of individually mounting the letters (which sounded like a pain), I decided to fashion a ledge sort of thing to just rest them on top of.  I also modified the look in general so it’s more “inspired” by the picture above than a replica. 

To start at the beginning.  I mentioned a few posts back that Jeff and I had been at a wedding last week.  The Maid of Honor, in her toast, mentioned something that really stuck with me for whatever reason.  Her advice to the couple, as a married person herself, was to always remember that you had married a person you loved.  Anytime you were angry or frustrated or irritated, she said remember that you loved and chose that person, and that would soften your feelings.  Allegedly.  It sounds so unbelievably simple and obvious, but it really struck me as a sweet reflection! So, I toyed with a bunch of different things to spell with my little tiles, but settled on I-L-O-V-E-U.  Easy as that   Sorry that I have induced nausea here.  Enough of the mushy stuff and on to… CARPENTRY!

Measure. I mocked it up on newspaper to see if the size worked in the space. 

I measured the length (it was 25″), then subtracted a few inches to account for some space between the tiles and the edges of the ledge.  The remaining length I divided by the number of letters, and measured those increments.

Whoops! Started over with fresh newspaper when I realized my little catch phrase has 6 letters, not 5.  This step optional for non-morons

Ahh better.  Actually I’m going to flip this over so that child isn’t starting at me.

There we go.

Looks good! Not sure all of this step was totally necessary, but since I am not the most spatially intelligent person (like that time I thought “I love u” was 5 letters) it helped me visualize everything.

My final measurements ended up looking like this. And the ledge-thingy is less tricky, just a sliver cut out of the board.

Procure/Cut Lumber.  I went to Home Depot and got a plank of something called Red Oak… which looked pretty close to Scrabble color.  (Google tells me Milton Bradley uses Vermont Oak… fun fact). 

I traced the measurements onto the board and it was time to cut!  Oh, I will mention this for the good of the order- Home Depot does NOT make cuts less than 12″.  Neither do a bunch of other places I called.  So I, in my moronic glory, tried to do this on our back deck with a handsaw.  Not advised.  I just kept thinking “If what’s-his-face from 127 Hours can cut his humerus with a swiss army knife, by God I can cut these tiles myself!” Umm, no.  Not exactly precise enough for our purposes.

  

So, I admitted failure and had to ask for help.  My girlfriend Ashley volunteered her husband’s assistance and reciprocating saw to get this thing cut.  They came over and he cut the wood in my kitchen (since it just HAD to downpour at that time), and in exchange they left their sweet toddler with me and enjoyed a nice date night Thanks you two!

The devastation.

They’re cut! (Needed sanded after too).  And bonus Chooch/Kiddie cameo!

Stencil.  I picked up some stenciling paper from Utrecht.  Oh man I LOVE Utrecht.  Sorry, this is already getting ridiculously long so I’ll save my art store love tangent for another time! I got this stuff…

So, allegedly it was supposed to be ink-jet friendly but mine turned out a hot mess.  It printed fine but the ink wouldn’t dry and it was all over the place.  So instead, I printed on normal paper, cut out the letters, traced onto the stencil paper, and cut out the letters again.  Yea this step was a pain and I’m sure there was a smarter way I could have done it.  Next time. 

Oh, and for the text, I used Arial Narrow for the letters and David for the numbers (size 260 and 100 respectively).  Google believes the font used on actual tiles is a variant of News Gothic, but I’m limited to whatever Word has Oh and just plain black acyrlic paint for this.

Other dumb things I did during this step:

1) Had to start over on the numbers and the L when I realized I had transcribed the letters on the wrong side of the paper (such that when you turned them sticky-side down the letters were backwards)
2) Accidentally put the 4 number on the U letter (it goes on the V)
3) The fan I propped up to dry the paint toppled over and took a cup of OJ with it, spraying it all over the place (I really tried to clean all of it but I’m guessing word has already spread among neighborhood ants) and
4) Completely forgot to paint one of the numbers.  

Yea, my life is pretty much one big face palm.  Last step… hold your breath and pray they turned out!

 

WAH! Cute! A spray of sealer for good measure and we’re done here!

I love them! Worth the suffering! I will say they are perfect for where they are positioned.  Close-up, you can tell it was a hand-stenciled operation (the 4 on the V is particularly gnarly), so I’d be hesitant to display them closer to eye level.  But they are great above the doorway, which is where I needed to stick something anyway. 

As for the mounting- right now the ledge is just resting (somewhat precariously) on two long nails.  I plan to later drill holes into the ledge and hang them a little more firmly on the nails.  But the drill was acting up and I’m retiring for the night.

Gold medal if you made it all the way to the bottom of this! My parents and aunt and uncle are in town this weekend (Go Phillies!) so I’ll catch you next week!

Weekend Photo Dump

Ahh! We are back from a four day weekend of wedding/beach/assorted family fun… Summer don’t end yet! NOT! READY!

My westies-in-law!

Pouty puppy eyes perfected…

And if Chooch ever writes a self-help book this would make a great cover.  With his chin propped on his paw, of course!

I love a good open collar! Meow…

The church was gorgeous… and I’m loving the light the crappy old Droid captured here! Who knew!

Sangria on an August Friday evening?! I think so!

Ahh! Check out this sushi display at the cocktail hour! Adorbs!

Since the groomie is a fraternity friend of Jeff’s, we were wisely placed at the kids table…

This gave me a giggle… loving the scare tactics at the bottom there… and the caps lock action!

Can you spot the dolphin?! They were all over the place… it was freaking awesome!

And…

Unforch, we just got home a bit ago from a wretched, rainy 5 hour drive home Does not make for a smooth transition from beach to work week.  Candidates for most awesome thing about the journey…

A) Hail Mary-ing my way over the Delaware Memorial Bridge in a monsoon when the car is due for 4 new tires…
B) Waiting in line for 10 minutes to potty at the Maryland House, alongside approximately 80% of the Delmarva female population, only to find an entire bank of potties (requiring a trip around the corner) un-utilized, lending further evidence to my theory that people in groups are equally as intelligent as wildebeest in groups…
C) 5 hours confined in a car smelling like soggy beagle, despite, inexplicably, the fact that we took great care to keep the beagle out of the rain.  Some sort of miracle of nature, apparently…
D) A but not C
E) Both B and C
F) All of the above
G) None of the above

How much did you despise those out of control multiple choice questions in school?! I need to remind myself every day how lucky I am that academics are no longer a part of my life.  Barf.  Those always confused the crap out of me AND killed any shot you had of beating the odds and getting a blind guess right.  So uncool. 

ANYWAY… how’d I get on that? Whatevs.  Happy Monday, yinz!