What I Learned About NSync Today

They still have a website…

For a stupendous read, I highly recommend from it: *NSync’s Bio.

I don’t want to spoil the fun for you, but you should know that these are direct excerpts from this document:

 It all started with dauntless rehearsals in an Orlando warehouse filled with hope.

In March, it lit the airwaves like fireworks, washing away FM’s dark veneer and offering a proper introduction to the consummate millennium-era hitmaking ensemble.

The members also revealed their writing skills on a number of tracks, including Justin’s contribution to first single, the jive-talking Pop, which said it all: “I’m sick and tired of hearin’ all these people talk about/What’s the deal with this pop life/And when is it gonna fade out?/The thing you’ve got to realize/What we’re doing is not a trend/We got the gift of melody/We’re gonna bring it til the end.”

In an instant, the world’s most popular boy band graduated to the major leagues in terms of artistic achievement.

The uptempo, sing-along Tearin’ Up My Heart came next, reaching the top 15, establishing the group as stalwart chart warriors, while awakening record labels to the dazzling star power coming out of Sweden that was fueling the group’s ascendancy.

It also employs, in great seriousness, the phrase “magical journey”, and frequently uses “the boys” as an alternative to the pronoun “they.”

The end.  Oh and PS, I talk a big game but *NSync at Hershey Stadium circa 2000 (No Strings Attached tour- respect) was my first concert experience and therefore holds a special place in my heart.  JC I LOVE YOU 4EVER WILL YOU SIGN MY BOOBS AND/OR CALL ME ON STAGE FOR A SLOW SONG???? I mean………. The end.

A Proud Day to be a Pennsylvanian

Even though we are now transplanted, I will never, ever relinquish my Pennsylvanian title. Groundhog day is reasons #1-46 for this.  PA has a lot of proud accomplishments that intelligent people like to call “historically significant,” things like, you know, Constitutional Conventions and Declarations of Independence and Ben Franklin and the fact that we were the *second* state admitted to the Union, which is not that bad out of 50.  (Boo you whore, Delaware).

Let’s get one thing straight.  Those are all meaningless pieces of dung compared to the fact that we have Groundhog Day and Punxatawney Phil.  The only normal reaction for residents of the rest of the United States on February 2nd is to be wholly and completely consumed with jealousy. 

To properly celebrate, here are some Punxatawney Phil fun facts courtesy of Wiki!

• Punxsutawney Phil is a groundhog resident of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.
• He is considered to be the world’s most famous prognosticating rodent.
• During the rest of the year, Phil lives in the town library with his “wife” Phyllis.
• A select group, called the Inner Circle, takes care of Phil year-round and also plans the annual ceremony.
• Zoological data suggest that groundhogs have an average lifespan of ten years in captivity and six years in the wild, with a maximum lifespan of 14 years in captivity documented.Punxsutawney Phil fans say that there is only one Phil (all the other groundhog weathermen are impostors), and that he has made weather prognostications for over 122 years as of 2012. They say that every summer, Phil is given a sip of the mysterious Groundhog Elixir, which magically lengthens his life for seven years.
• According to the Groundhog Club, Phil, after making the prediction, speaks to the Club President in “Groundhogese”, which only the current president can understand, and then his prediction is translated for the entire world.
• Of the 115 predictions on record so far, Punxsutawney Phil has predicted an “early spring” 15 times (13%). As to his accuracy, according to the StormFax Weather Almanac and records kept since 1887, Phil’s predictions have been correct 39% of the time

 You are welcome!

Peace love and rodents,

Becker Out…

It’s Electric (Boogie Woogie Woogie!)

In the category of Dumb Stuff of Little Interest Happening in My Life, our car has turned on me for reasons unknown.  Hypotheses include: it’s sick of me starving it by putting off getting gas till the last possible minute, it’s not gotten over a minor scratch inflicted by me in a 2009 run-in with a parking garage pillar, it’s run out of subtle ways to tell me it hates the Delilah show and is embarrassed for both of us when I blubber into the steering wheel on the drive home from Target because our host picked the WRONG day in my cycle to read a letter from some 11-year-old with a father in the military.  Etc.

Regardless, our beloved little chariot has a habit lately of delivering a vicious electric shock every time I exit and close the door.  And yes, I know I am not the first human in the history of the western civilization to get shocked by a car door, but guys I am talking some serious wattage here, to the point where it’s really painful and I’m physically jolted.

So, think less of your garden variety doorknob shock and more like Alan riding the lightning…

Or Marv being on the business end of another one of Kevin McCallister’s extremely inventive booby traps (Marv when will you ever learn!?)

So, naturally, I asked Google WTF the story was here.  I was informed that it was just an excess of static, probably from a jacket or shoes or just something random.  And that I should instead put my hand on the glass to close the door.  (GENIUS, Google!).  (No I’m not being sarcastic, I probably should have thought of that). 

Except right below those very comforting responses was this little nugget:

“Be careful with static electricity when pumping gas.  The Petroleum Equipment Institute (PEI) has documented 129… [static gas pump fires]…since the early 1990s.”

OKAY!  As if the world isn’t already a terrifying enough place to run around in when you’ve got anxiety issues.  Now I’ve got to worry that static from my fleece is going to cause me to blow me up in a blaze of glory at the gas pump, like some mob boss or character in a John Grisham film.  And that is no way for a good man to go down.   

So this has thus been added to my list of irrational worries right between “Escalators: friend or foe?” and “Just to be on the safe side I’m going to step a few feet away from this blender when it’s on, which is totally what any reasonable person would do.” 

Awesome.

Please Tell Me I’m Not the Only One Who

Had to consult Wikipedia to assess if this guy from Black Swan…

Was the same actor as this guy from She’s All That…

They are NOT the same person, can you believe it!? What a disappointment…

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Potter County, Pennsylvania (Don’t You Dare Mark as Read)

Jeff and I saw this bumper sticker on a car in a grocery store parking lot here in Virginia and had a fit. 

POCO! Y’all have no idea the odds of running into someone from Potter County, PA here or anywhere in the world, really.  “But Sarah,” you ask, “Pennsylvania must be chock-full of awesome counties, why is this one so special that people are rocking Poco pride bumper stickers across state lines?”

I’M GLAD YOU ASKED.  Allow me to share with you the 2 things I know about Potter County.  

1. My uncle at one point co-owned a hunting cabin there, and one time all our families hatched an ill-conceived plan to have a fun bonding weekend there.  There, the following things happened:

• We left on a Friday night, meaning it was dark by the time we got up there.  We were lost, it was rural beyond our ruralest expectations, my parents fought over directions, the minivan was switched into D1 and D2, I thought we were going to die and get eaten by grizzlies and/or caribou.  Do not ever try to drive to this place in the dark. 
• Since I was an angsty 14 year old, and since there was literally nothing to do, I laid on the couch all weekend reading Truman Capote.  The couch smelled really bad.  It was discovered at the end of the weekend that a deceased mouse embedded in the couch was to blame for the stench.
• Toilets clogged.  People had target practice with coke cans.  Et cetera.

2.  Poco has a population density of 17 people per square mile. 

For perspective, the deer population of Pennsylvania is estimated at 51 per square mile.  (and since Poco is the 63rd least populated county out of 67, the deer density is probably 40 times that.  Awesome!)

And that is all I know.  But you can bet my little heart beat with Commonwealth pride when I saw a long lost PA pal all the way down here! 

To wrap things up this evening, here are a few images I pulled from the first 5 pages of google image results for Potter County, Pennsylvania.  So you can try it yourself if you don’t believe me

What in the WHATTY What!?

So, we’ve talked before about the world, or lack of, before Wikipedia and Pinterest, but what about the granddaddy of them all… GOOGLE.  omg.  Google is seriously the magical, benevolent, guiding hand of my life.  In addition to being completely dependent on it for the usual info stuff, I find myself looking to it for life assistance and EXPECTING it to be able to answer/solve every single personal problem of mine.  Because Google ALWAYS has an answer.  Remember the magic 8 ball? It’s like that.  Only better.   Cause it’s powered by God.

Case in point: this afternoon, my crisis du jour was a colleague’s candy jar that lately  has been, how shall I say this, causing some serious self control issues for me.  Namely, I keep snarfing down dove chocolates out of it like a psychotic cocoa fiend.  I need to NOT be doing this, obviously.  So I asked Google: how can I stop myself from eating from the office candy jar? And darn it if 5 Ways to Resist Office Snacks wasn’t handed to me on a silver e-platter.  Thank you, oh wise and merciful one!

Now, the best thing to ever happen to already awesome Google was obviously Google live search.  And of course we’ve all seen some extremely questionable stuff pop up there.  Though I HAVE to say this one is probably the olympic gold medalist of all creepiness:

 

………………

………………

………………

OK.  Yea.  I honestly feel traumatized having read that.  You probably do too, so I’m sorry.  First off, umm, presumably those search results are based on, you know, common questions that get typed into Google.  It’s terrifying enough that we share the earth with one person who is curious about these things, let alone enough yahoos to put it at the top of the Google inquiry list there.  Holy moly, dudes.

As for the answers to questions 2 and 4, let me just help you out here:  NO.  No, no, also NO, and HELL TO THE NO.  OMG.  FOUL.  I’m going to have nightmares.

In other news… We are scooting out of town tomorrow afternoon to enjoy a long weekend in PA and NJ for Jeff’s friend’s wedding and some family fun time.  Catch you next week! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to join the number 38 for a candle-lit bubble bath… Bow chicka wow wow!

Things I Learned at Monday Trivia Night

3 Mile Island is 2.5 miles long.  There are 40 spaces on a Monopoly board, and 42 spaces on a Connect 4.  Loki was the Norse God of Chaos.  The Lions have never been to a Super Bowl.  Tug of War is a former Olympic sport.  An ear of corn has an even number of rows. 

At the very least, I am smarter than if I’d stayed home and watched Bachelor Pad, right? Unclear…

Debt Ceiling Special Edition: Government E-Cards!

Today I discovered possibly the greatest thing ever.  Get ready for this.  SIT DOWN.  Initiate paper bag respiration if needed.  THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL MAKES E-CARDS. 

I know, that doesn’t really require further explanation does it? Let’s take a look at the offerings anyway.  This is an outstanding perk you are entitled to as a federal taxpayer that you probably didn’t know about! I mean, how can you be upset about government spending when these are the kinds of quality resources our government so graciously makes available to us?!

Behold…

Wait, what? You mean that little cuddly guy on the right I should avoid? I’m really glad you said something because otherwise I would have chosen “go out of my way to pursue” for him.  K.  Got it now.

Another helpful reminder! When signs at bars, disclaimers on labels, and K-12 health classes fall short, our last line of defense is… e-cards!
EWW!  I don’t know what this is about but please spare Americans from graphic illustrations of dirty fingernails! Nast!

I am trying to think of something worse that could arrive in your inbox than this e-card but not coming up with anything… 

Truth: there’s nothing funny about a natural disaster.  So WTF is the story with this e-card? What is the target audience here? It’s not even like thinking of you as you are cleaning up after a disaster.  Or I’m sorry to hear you are cleaning up after a disaster.  Just… yep, we’re cleaning up. 

Not sure why the CDC is making Congrats On Your New Fish cards but SOMEONE has to manufacture these, right?! Because fish are under-represented in the private pet card market and THAT’S! NOT! FAIR! And why is that fish, like, boring into my soul with those eyes!?

Zoro Salmonella was the card I eventually elected to send to my special someone.  Little did I know it came with free BONUS HILARITY in the form of CDC E-card terms and conditions! Sorry the screen shot is crap…

My favorite note was that “CDC/HHS does not authorize the use of copyrighted materials contained in a personal message.”  Do you think these are policed? Wait, why am I asking this question, I guarantee they have a Director of E-Card Quality Control and Legal Compliance in their Public Health Informatics and Technology Programs Office.  They are probably a GS12 too.  Anyway, that copyright ban was really disappointing because it destroyed all my ideas for a personal message.  Like:

• Salmonella: It’s what’s for dinner ©
• Salmonella: It’s everywhere you want to be  ©
• Maybe she was born with it, maybe it’s salmonella  ©
• Salmonella: I’m lovin’ it!  ©

I don’t even have to ask, I know you are all richer in character for having learned more about this E-card program.  Also, I must note- I have no intention of discussing politics (at least not seriously) here, ever.  I wouldn’t have even brought it up if the stinkin’ President hadn’t interrupted the PENULTIMATE Bachelorette episode of the season with his incessant prattle.  Un! Cool! So, I had to take the cheap shots tonight

On Peacocks

I’ll spare you from the long story that precipitated this, but today I went to look up Kori Bustard (a large bird species we have at the zoo) on Wikipedia. 

The first question this brought to mind was: WHAT did we do before Wikipedia?  Seriously?  How did anyone learn anything, at all, ever? In my early academic years I remember the library and card catalogs (!) and actually walking over to the shelf and picking up the appropriately lettered tome.  Who invested in sets of encyclopedias!? How were they not outdated the second they were printed!? After that, technology exploded and we were flying high with Encarta CD Roms.  That was some cutting edge stuff.  What we didn’t know is that we were about to get our worlds ROCKED by Wiki.

Here’s the thing about Wikipedia.  I always innocently log on for some legitimate or semi-legitimate purpose, and then 45 minutes and 15 articles later, somehow I’m on Kevin Costner and List of Fatal Bear Attacks in North America.  So, I guess things were progressing along the standard pattern, because after I got my Kori Bustard question answered, my mind traveled to a second bird question: PEACOCKS.  What IS the story with them anyway? Where the heck do you go to see a peacock in its natural habitat? How am I an adult that does not know that?

Peacocks live in Southeast Asia, let’s just get that out of the way.  What I bet you did NOT know, as you’ll note from above (though it’s kinda hard to read), is that the peacock population at large is “peafowl”, and individual birdies are a peacock, peahen, or peachick.  PEACHICK! Does that not conjure up the cutest little visual!? I want a pet peachick! I will name it chickpea!

I feel so much better knowing this.  Next time I’m at a farm or petting zoo (which earlier today, was my best guess as to the habitat of peaco…errr, fowl), I will be able to intimidate children with my impressive bird vocabulary.  Peacocks were the most disappointing thing EVER at the petting zoo though, weren’t they!? Against all odds you keep believing TODAY would be the day the elusive feather display will come out.  YOU would have a mental connection with this bird and will it to happen.  Come on, peacock………. Come ON, PEACOCK! UGH! Mom this is BORING!

If you too set out today to learn more about peacocks, you’re welcome Otherwise… uhh… I’m kind of sorry.  Happy Monday!

OBLIGATORY CHOOCH PICTURE FORGIVE ME: