This was the Nine West front page today… Anyone think this looks terribly over-photoshopped?! I hate to body snark even a headless person but this is ghastly… if they were wearing little hot pink plastic pumps they would look just like little barbie legs!
This entire concept (fugly shoes, salmon socks, exploding carnation bouquet?) just is not working for me right now…
We’re switching over to new Blackberries at work tomorrow (Holla) so I had to pull off the few photos that were saved onto my current device. Its memory maxed out at, like, 7 of them so I’m hoping our upgrade might offer more storage in that department. It’s very frustrating to not be able to photograph a magical, fleeting moment because of the darned “File System Full” error…
So without further a-doo-doo…
Big Choochin, spendin’ Gs, it’s just that jigga man Chooch and…. AHEM HEM I’m stopping I’m stopping.
Chooch’s favorite activity is lounging on the bed and snatching things off our night stands when we’re distracted while getting ready in the mornings. I actually think he is being belligerent because he knows showers+hair dryers+closets opening=Impending Abandonment. Poor baby. Breaks my heart. 
Umm, see what I mean…
I probably should have stopped him here but I was too busy cracking up! love his little eyebrows stuck on the rim.
This was me as “Panda Claws” at the Zoo back over Christmas…. a proud moment.
Oh hai…. Just reading a text book….. with my blinged out headphones….. Don’t hate the player hate the game.
Where do you GET headphones like this!? I can only assume they are the result of these things mating…
OH and to make matters worse… I was standing immediately over this guy on the metro and of course was trying to discretely take this picture… I guess I had some stupid “loud” profile enabled, because when I pressed the button it made the little ker-CHUNK! fake shutter sound. OMG I was mortified and thought this gangster was going to turn around, narrow his eyes, and take me down to Chinatown. I mean normally you wouldn’t fear that from a gentleman of his demographic but WITH THOSE HEADPHONES WHO KNOWS. Guy is NOT messing around.
OK one last dumb story that I just have to document for eternity. UMM remember, like, yesterday when I acknowledged that it was probably irrational for me to fear the blender? (If I didn’t believe it to be irrational then, the act of typing in “…for me to fear the blender?” just sealed the deal). Dudes I can’t help, the thing is so loud and powerful it sounds like a freaking Airbus in engine distress and all I can think is that it’s going to explode, or take off, or attack me, or just combust in some way. So to make another Home Alone reference, blender=terrorizing, bullying furnace. ANYWAY apparently it was not in fact irrational, and was actually a deep, subconscious self-defense mechanism, cause today…………JEFFREY EARMUFFS……….. I freaking turned the blender on WITH A SPOON IN IT. I thought I was gonna die.
I’m happy to report that all involved in the incident (appliance, utensil, and moronic human operator) survived unscathed. A good fortune I most certainly do not deserve.
I’ve talked before about my affections for stock photography and my strong feelings on breastfeeding but Dear God the two need not necessarily be combined.
Wait for it…
I would zoom in but there’s already enough TMI going on here; I’ll just let this be. Freaking Yikes!
Guess what was on the front page of the Washington Post today…
Yes that’s right. A front page feature on the romantic escapades of the Occupy DC tent dwellers!
W? T? F!
OK whatever. This is what we’re working with. It’s one thing to write a story on a truly inane subject matter, it’s another to do so with atrocious, barf-inducing, Twilight Fan Fic-esque writing…
Oh GAG! For real!
Unsubscribe…
One of my BFFs Kim sent me this tonight and totally made my day. She is a TA at an educational institution which is probably best left un-named in this context. As her story goes, she accidentally picked up what appears to be someone’s Christmas shopping list as she retrieved a paper from a communal printer.
I sympathize with this anonymous author. Coming up with gift ideas is hard. Just when you think you’ve thought of the best ever gift for someone, all the sudden 12 freaking months have passed and again you’re feeling the pressure to find something that outperforms the last year’s. A harrowing cycle. This person is obviously in the depths of that despair, but instead of stepping up to the challenge, has apparently thrown in the towel and said OH EFF IT YOU’RE ALL GETTING SOCKS AND DOLLAR STORE STUFF. PASS THE EGGNOG.
But OK it is kind of sweet the extent to which she has put thought into her sock purchase plans. Anja: mismatched sole socks. Karin: Indian Fiddler socks. Not sure what those are. Google isn’t sure what those are so I’ll assume it’s some sort of ethnic-musical-sock-inside-joke we’re not in on. And cat socks for Brenda. Not gonna lie, the simple hilarity of the “socks (cat)” note made me chortle out loud as I was reading this at the bus stop.
And Brenda. Honey child. What exactly did YOU do wrong this year that you are getting Tissues!? Tissues! I’m not even sure under what conditions it becomes necessary to make tissues an actual gift for someone. Honestly the act of typing t-i-s-s-u-e-s on a Christmas list for someone is more committment and exertion than actually procuring them.
Anyhoo. Kim, please accept the biggest hat tip ever for this most excellent holiday find. 
OK guys… I’ll be back Sunday with the Pay it Forward Giveaway winner! (You still have Friday to enter, keep them coming!) Until then I am on epic Yoga lockdown mode as I teach my first class (HOLY CRAP I KNOW) on Saturday. And mind you this is a class class. With the public. Not the paying public, thankfully, but still the real public that expects things like, you know, coherence. (Not my strong suit.) Send me happy vibes please?
Becker OUT…
First off, just so you’re aware, this was Macy’s on 10 November 2011…
Secondly, coming out of Macy’s, I looked over and spotted something affixed to a pole. “Is that….. some piece of computer paper…. with a picture… of Justice Scalia on it?”
Oh this is gonna be good…
First Luke Skywalker from China and now!? What is going ON with people this week!? Once again, I am just not clear on the message here. Antoin [sic] Scalia utilizes date rape drugs and…. for more information…. contact…. wait for it…. Antoin Scalia? Well that’s a little counterintuitive is it not? And I mean, obviously this person has some strong feelings on this and went through a great deal of trouble to print this, so it’s a shame that I’m just not grasping what my “takeaway” or “call to action” is here. I guess it’s just, uhh, an FYI type thing.
Lastly…
Candy-cane patterned tights with horizontal stripes? Who thought this was a good idea? NO, woman! Nevermore, nevermore!
Question…
Does this make any sense to you?
Yea, no, I got none of that.
BONUS GIGGLE ALERT… typo in the last line! When I first read it I was like, does that say Sin-celery?
I passed this on a neighborhood door tonight. (And walked right up the steps like a creeper to get this picture, because it was that awe-inspiring). WTF?! I can only assume the creator scalped Michael Bolton, or Fabio, or Seabiscuit. And you can’t really see it with that screen but there is a braid on the tail/end of it…
Because I don’t want to leave you with that ghastly image, here is Chooch in a knit sweater…
Ahhhhh. Better.
So, you know how sometimes you are just sitting there innocently and are struck by a sudden, violent urge to snack? I’ve conditioned myself to just start chowing down on Altoids when this happens. I like to think that it’s a healthier choice than, you know, Mr. Goodbars or something. But really, is there anything healthy about eating 23 Altoids because you don’t trust yourself to not cannibalize your coworker otherwise?
It was amid such a session today when I reached to grab a ringing phone and sent them flying off the desk with my elbow. Noooooo!
I think this picture helped with the grieving process. There was one measly mint that stayed tucked in the paper (I ate it).
Moving on…
Note to the disgruntled: the addition of bare ‘tocks automatically makes whatever you’re protesting 800 times more better-like.
This was in the window at Macy’s. Now, I don’t have any advanced degrees in storefront display strategy but wouldn’t you want to choose products with universal appeal to be your ambassador clothes in the window? Or if not that, the most awesome must-have thing that would pull someone in off the street? Right? Well then WTF is this? BARF!
And I don’t know why this gave me a chuckle. From the makers of Rogaine comes…. PROgaine!
So, we’ve talked before about the world, or lack of, before Wikipedia and Pinterest, but what about the granddaddy of them all… GOOGLE. omg. Google is seriously the magical, benevolent, guiding hand of my life. In addition to being completely dependent on it for the usual info stuff, I find myself looking to it for life assistance and EXPECTING it to be able to answer/solve every single personal problem of mine. Because Google ALWAYS has an answer. Remember the magic 8 ball? It’s like that. Only better. Cause it’s powered by God.
Case in point: this afternoon, my crisis du jour was a colleague’s candy jar that lately has been, how shall I say this, causing some serious self control issues for me. Namely, I keep snarfing down dove chocolates out of it like a psychotic cocoa fiend. I need to NOT be doing this, obviously. So I asked Google: how can I stop myself from eating from the office candy jar? And darn it if 5 Ways to Resist Office Snacks wasn’t handed to me on a silver e-platter. Thank you, oh wise and merciful one!
Now, the best thing to ever happen to already awesome Google was obviously Google live search. And of course we’ve all seen some extremely questionable stuff pop up there. Though I HAVE to say this one is probably the olympic gold medalist of all creepiness:
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OK. Yea. I honestly feel traumatized having read that. You probably do too, so I’m sorry. First off, umm, presumably those search results are based on, you know, common questions that get typed into Google. It’s terrifying enough that we share the earth with one person who is curious about these things, let alone enough yahoos to put it at the top of the Google inquiry list there. Holy moly, dudes.
As for the answers to questions 2 and 4, let me just help you out here: NO. No, no, also NO, and HELL TO THE NO. OMG. FOUL. I’m going to have nightmares.
In other news… We are scooting out of town tomorrow afternoon to enjoy a long weekend in PA and NJ for Jeff’s friend’s wedding and some family fun time. Catch you next week! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to join the number 38 for a candle-lit bubble bath… Bow chicka wow wow!
