1. In case you haven’t seen yet (I hear it’s “getting around” on the interwebs) please check out 13 Steps to Get You Through a Rough Day. A referral to me from BFF Kristine which did not disappoint. I did exactly as it suggested and printed out the Britney picture for my desk, and inexplicably my mega-annoying work week seemed more surmountable.
2. Can we make fun of my awful outfit today?
Let me preface this. I freaking lurve dresses. They are my #1 work wardrobe investment and, if I may humbly suggest to you all, the best work wardrobe investment. Why? Dresses are usually priced comparably to skirts if you search correctly, but really they’re like getting an extra half off because they’re complete outfits in and of themselves. If you’re interested in conforming to societal rules, skirts require tops unfortunately. So then, not only do you have to find a top, you have to match shoes, tights, and whatever else to both those things. SO MUCH THINKING.
A dress? One thing. Done. Shut it down. Boom goes the dynamite. This also saves you a good 30-45 seconds in the morning putting on one thing instead of two. Does anyone else have their mornings timed down to 15 second increments to allow for super-maximum taking advantage of every last second to sleep? I do. It’s pathetic. And disordered. And my relationship with sleep must be dangerously close to an actual clinical case of narco…….. narca…….. whatever that person from Deuce Bigalow had. ZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Any. HOO. I’m obsessed with this dress above that my mama got me for Christmas (thanks, mama). It’s jersey knit with a wrap detail meaning there are no zippers, no buttons, so it is like your understanding, comforting friend even on the worst muffin top-y day. It’s amazing how much better your day is when it feels like you’re sitting around in PJs. Unlike every other day where I eat, like, 3 bites of lettuce and somehow my waistband suddenly becomes some crazed Jumanji python eating me ALIVE and I’m asking myself “Nobody would notice that I had this belt on earlier and I don’t have it on now, right? Right?” [un-clip] “aaaaAAAAAaaaaaHHHHhhhhhhhhh sweet merciful macaroons that is BETTER.” [resume nomming]
Back over the winter I always wore this dress with my BFF boots, a scarf of some sort, and big gold earrings. I always really liked it. Then today it was too warm for boots and scarves, so with 0 seconds left in my rush to catch the bus I needed a solution prontissimo and threw on black tights, black flats, and pearls. (With no hooks or clasps or other motor skill consuming BS, the pearls carry a time committment of <1 second and are therefore a popular last minute choice). But unfortunately it took my beloved outfit from cute-in-a-thirty-something-art-teacher-kind-of-way straight to John Goodman guest-starring in The Church Lady. BLECH.
3. Earlier I emailed Jeff that I’d be late due to a meeting at the zoo (tonight we learned about a new radiography exhibit in the small mammal house… HOLLER) and he responded, and I quote:
Wednesday afternoon, April 4, monkey screams ring out in the zooooooo skyyyyyyy!
That’s all. It cracked me up and needed put on the internet for all eternity. I’d love to yack about more pointless crap but I need to get the eff to sleep due to this week blowing.
Since I don’t want to hog the fun here is a squirrel x-ray parting gift…. Too cool!
MMM HMM Respect.
But when the heck is there time during the week to bust out your gardening tools, glove up, and plant crap?! Ugh. I’m sorry I let you down, sweet innocent parsley and cilantro! Google tells me that plants CAN feel pain so I feel kind of guilty over this! 
