Lower right: the diaper from the buttocks of Lucifer himself.
Upper left: the assailant, cleansing himself of his sins against humanity. (Via Burt’s Bees and some floating turtles, duh.)
People, I do not know what to do with this beast of Hell. I’ve never seen anything like it in my 14 months of cloth diapering. What caused this? Is it Jupiter in the tenth house? Is my child the reincarnation of Vlad the Impaler or some other despised despot? WAS IT THE LIMA BEANS? Probably the lima beans.
It remains locked in the bathroom until I can think of some way to, how do I say this delicately, free the impossibly adhered excrement. I am deciding between eating the $17 and completely throwing it out, or painstakingly trudging the hose out of the basement and hooking it up outside so I can power wash it in 30 degree darkness.
Either way, disposable diapers get the point today.