BEND IT LIKE BECKER LIVES!
Sorta. After I figured out WTF its URL even was at the moment, a little blipping heartbeat slowly returned to its monitor. REJOICE, INTERNET!
This is the short story: I want to write again. I know what you’re saying: You’ve promised us that like 9725387 times and ghosted us like a flakey loser every time. This is true. So, I make no promises. But I thought I needed to at least attempt to explain my deeply shameful absence before I just dived back in cold.
A list of reasons why I failed this blog…
Reason #1: I suck.
For a long time, it was nagging me that if I wasn’t going to blog, I should at least put some kind of “out of office” post up on my blog to explain its hiatus. I failed to do this. For three years. [Trophy emoji]. Tell me if you also fall victim to this cycle of failure:
- I realize I should complete a Task
- I continuously procrastinate on Task
- As time goes on, Task transforms from a minor/easy thing to a nagging/miserable thing whose incompletion looms over my head with growing urgency. The negative perception of Task then, illogically, makes me avoid it with even more fervor.
- A logical part of my brain says, “You know, you could just, like, DO THE STUPID TASK SARAH and then it would stop bothering you. Also, you’d feel proud, and relieved, and there would be other benefits to it being done.”
- I tell the logical part of my brain to STFU, eat a bunch of salt and vinegar chips, and scroll stupid crap on my phone. Repeat from the top.
Reason #2: I have no time.
I am still a full-time slay-at-home-Mom to the Frogs. On top of that, I work from home 10-20 hours a week, like doing real work for a real company. Not like blogger work, like writing sponsored Tweets or selling doTERRA or something. No offense to the doTERRA peddlers out there, I’m sure it’s lovely stuff. On top of that, after I’ve gotten people to bed and made a basic attempt of cleaning up the kitchen and house, I have like 45 minutes left in the day, and I just want to do nothing. Even though I love writing and it brings me joy, it just never feels like I have the energy. Sometimes I try to use the time for other healthy things like exercise, but that is kind of like the Hale-Bopp comet or a rare lunar eclipse or something, like it happened once in 1994 and will happen again in 2031. Usually it’s more like the salt and vinegar chips scenario illustrated above.
Reason #3: I hate the business of blogging.
At some point it sadly dawned on me that if I wanted to pursue my hopes of someday being a real writer, I’d probably have to first start by being a Real Blogger™, and I would have to start embracing things like Facebook and Twitter. Let’s get one cotton-pickin’ thing straight: I hate Facebook and Twitter. I solemnly believe the world would be a better place with their servers at the bottom of the sea. They can take with them their weird spawnish successors Snap Chat and Tik Tok and whatever the heck else the children are rotting their brains on nowadays. So, I don’t want to do social media, at least beyond a bare bones effort. I don’t want to do “sponsored” anything. I don’t want to write gimmicky headlines. Oh God would I need a BRAND [vomit emoji][eyeroll emoji] I don’t want a brand. Worse, would I need to find some 23-year-old to help me with a brand? Who would probably start by advising me to not alienate people by making fun of DoTerra? (My cousin is a fine purveyor of DoTerra and YOU MADAME ARE A MONSTER.) No thank you to all of the above.
So, as I have said before, this will stay a fun blog, and not a sellout blog, and if that means I have 14 readers, then that’s fantastic. Not sure what the future holds for BILB, but if you’re reading this, thanks for that. I hope to delight your screens with fresh content soon. Namaste, y’all.