Bachelor Recaps · Uncategorized

Platinum Futures Take a Dip: The Bachelor Recap

When we last left off, Nick ambushed the girls with a tearful speech questioning if this was all working for him.  He meets Chris Harrison for some beachfront girl talk.  Chris has some kind of unfortunate facial sunburn situation going on. Question: does Nick own any shorts or swim trunks that are cut at or… Continue reading Platinum Futures Take a Dip: The Bachelor Recap

Advertisement

Bachelor Recaps · Uncategorized

Like Open Your Eyeballs: The Bachelor Recap

We’re back from a To Be Continued cliff hanger.  Taylor and her side boob are doing a swamp walk of shame to get a couple more words in with Nick.  This is becoming a favorite fake plot twist in recent seasons.  You know the producers are offering these poor rejected people bonuses or something to… Continue reading Like Open Your Eyeballs: The Bachelor Recap

Bachelor Recaps · Uncategorized

I Want it That Way, Raquel: The Bachelor Recap

When we last left off, everyone was in crisis over the departure of Liz the promiscuous doula.  Nick decides to “be real” with everyone or whatever, so he pulls everyone aside individually and has twelve different variations of the same conversation.  You could make this part into a spin-off show called Nick’s Confessions: Deep Thoughts… Continue reading I Want it That Way, Raquel: The Bachelor Recap

Bachelor Recaps · Uncategorized

Ain’t Too Much Sadder Than the Tears of a Clown: The Bachelor Recap, The Women Tell All

Oooh baby, the day is here.  Time for the Women Tell All special, which is totally the highlight of the season and do not lie to yourself you love it DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF. Our intrepid host Chris is back to hold our hands through this journey.  I love his adorable lil’ polka dot… Continue reading Ain’t Too Much Sadder Than the Tears of a Clown: The Bachelor Recap, The Women Tell All

Bachelor Recaps · Uncategorized

Alligators, Dead Bodies, Who Knows: The Bachelor Recap, Week 5

Pour yourselves a glass of something strong cause the season is about to EXPLODE, Chris Harrison tells us.  Having just barely emerged on the other end without barfing up my dinner, I can confirm that it did indeed explode.  With about 800,000 joules worth of awkward and painful. This week’s destination is Santa Fe.  “I’ve… Continue reading Alligators, Dead Bodies, Who Knows: The Bachelor Recap, Week 5